Face-to-face, part 2

In my last post I wrote about how face-to-face connection is essential to our human existence. The point of this post is to show the influence our culture and our technology is making on this kind of communication.

The point of face-to-face connection is the simple component of personal relationship. A deep relational connection occurs most effectively in face-to-face connection because the connection is between two persons that are sharing time together. The two (or maybe more) people may talk to one another, cry with one another, laugh with one another, or whatever else with one another. This is important to our existence. Isolation and separation are two terrible conditions. If that were not so, there would be no solitary confinement in prisons.

Our culture and our technology is making communication faster and easier, but less personal. We can communicate with hundreds of people in an instant, via Facebook, twitter, or text messaging, but that does not mean we are connecting in a personal and relational way. However, many people believe that texting, tweeting, and status posts are viable ways to connect with other people in a personal way. This is simply not true.

Tweeting, texting, and other communication outlets are not real forms of personal communication. They can't be. Personal communication happens most effectively in face-to-face contexts. There are times when non face-to-face communication is appropriate (wives talking to their soldier husbands on the phone, for example). However, even that example is not ideal; but you have to work with what you have. An Army Wife will gladly give up hours of phone calls for a precious embrace and a kiss.

We are living in a budding culture of socially inept, relationally shallow, and disconnected people. More people are sorrowful, isolated, and lonely than ever before. This is striking because these very people are also those that boast of hundreds of "friends" on Facebook and tally up thousands of texts each month. With that kind of activity it seems absurd that these same people are feeling isolated and lonely. How can that be? How can a person send 1200 text messages a month and still feel as though they are all alone? How does someone have 400 friends on Facebook and still have no shoulder to cry on? It seems that we have substituted personal relationship with virtual connectedness.

Why doesn't texting, tweeting, and Facebook qualify as real, personal communication? Some would argue that is does, or at least should. We intuitively know that it doesn't. Proof? Because no one in their right mind would use one of these mediums to communicate important information to someone else. Three examples:

1. Breaking up with someone. If you break up with someone through a text, tweet, or Facebook message, you are a heartless coward. That is terrible. Someone might object and say, "well that's the only way to get a hold of them." I would reply with a question, "Is that how you would want to get dumped?" Answer: no. It's heartless. You deserve to get dumped in person, face-to-face, because it's personal.
2. Your grandmother died. If you get a text that reads "Grammy's dead. C U @ home." that is terrible. Receiving bad news through media avenues is bad form. Why? Because it's impersonal and insensitive. News of death demands real, personal communication because it's important.
3. Propose Marriage. If you propose to your girlfriend, or are proposed to by your boyfriend, through text messaging, twitter, or Facebook, I'm sorry. That is terrible. Why? Because it is impersonal. Face-to-face proposals are real, personal communication. They deserve to be done in personal face-to-face contact because it is important.

Our culture is moving toward social media as the primary social outlet. That means we are more comfortable with the transmission of information in impersonal ways. The result is that we will loose touch with other people and settle for texting one another while sitting on the couch next to each other. Soon, people will not know how to act around each other and we will all roam around with plugs in our ears to help alleviate the "problem" of having a conversation with other people. (Oh wait, that's already happening). We will become relationally deprived, isolated, and lonely. All the while we marvel at the possibility to stay connected on the go with our new smart phones so that we can text our friends while we're with our other friends.

A recent conversation I heard between friends was troubling. Friend 1 complains to the other that they felt ignored because friend 1 received no return texts from friend 2 for four whole hours. Friend 2 replied that she was with other friends and didn't have time. Friend 1 countered that she was hurt. Friend 1 and Friend 2 agreed to text each other while hanging out with other people. 

I don't want to hangout with those people because I know that they will only give me a fraction of their attention.

So, let's connect face-to-face. Let's build personal relationships with each other in real life. Let's learn to listen to one another, to cry with one another, to laugh with one another without the assistance of emoticons. Let us be like John and have our joy complete by being in the presence of one another. Let's meet over coffee instead of over touch screens. Let's share our life together through face-to-face storytelling instead of through photo albums on Facebook. Let's move from virtual friendships to personal relationships. Let's stop following idols on Twitter if it means we don't take walks with friends in real life. 

If we do not recapture the beauty of face-to-face relationships and pursue other people with the intention of developing deep, life-long relationships, then we might settle for superficial speculation and the transmission of shallow babble that won't exceed 160 characters. The cry of our souls is to connect deeply with other people in order to experience the richness of goodness, truth, and beauty in relationship. Technological connectedness has made our communication quicker, easier, and more accessible, but it has also made our relationships shallow, superficial, and awkward. Loneliness, isolation, and sorrow await the soul that loiters on Facebook and settles for interpersonal communication through texting. Break free and pursue other people. As C.S. Lewis says, "There are no mere mortals..." We are immortal beings that bear the image of God and are made for real, personal relationships.