Longing for Home

For those readers that were at Kairos last night, you are probably expecting a blog about movie watching and the condition it puts your soul in. This is not that post. This post is simply about the meaning, feeling, and purpose of what we call "home."

I have had several homes throughout my life. When I say a statement like that it gives the impression that my family moved all over the country like what is common with most military families. Truth is, we moved twice - both times within the city limits of the same town. I really can only remember one house I ever knew as home. I remember the first time I went to the house when I was about 3 and how I was bit several times by fleas that were jumping around from the carpet. And I also remember the day when I was 16 and my parents got new carpet (they didn't wait that long to get the fleas out!).

Now that I am a grown up (which I know is still debatable) I "visit" my parents in the house that I grew up in. It's a strange experience. The reality is that the house I grew up in is not really what is important. What is truly important is the feeling of home you get no matter what
dwelling you find shelter in. There really is a difference between house and home.

When I went away to college and moved in to the dorms at Biola University, it soon became home to me. The feeling of being home wasn't instantaneous by any means. It was more of a gradual feeling that came almost without recognition. My first week on campus was difficult, but I grew into my new environment, met some amazing people, and had experiences that swooped me into a nostalgic daydream at a moments notice. By the end of my second year at Biola, it felt like home.

When Heather and I got married and accepted a ministry position in Roseville, neither of us felt at home. The town was new to us - we even got lost a few times going to dinner and shopping and had to call for directions. The people were all new to us. The church I served at was new to us. We were by ourselves living as strangers and it did not feel like home...at first. God brought some pretty amazing people into our lives that made living in Roseville feel like home. There were two families in particular that walked through life with us and Heather and I are incredibly grateful for them. Then God brought a few younger couples into our life and we began to experience community. Every Friday night Heather and I would share a meal with the Pray family and it was in those moments that I realized Roseville was now home.

And now we live in the Bay Area and call the Antioch/ Brentwood area "home." Why is that? What makes a town, a house, a family, a community make you feel like you're at "home?" I think the answer is found in the sense of a longing fulfilled.

When Heather and I moved from Southern California to Roseville we had a longing. We longed for a place to serve God with the gifts and talents that we were given; that longing was fulfilled. We longed to have a community where we could talk with one another and share ideas and dreams and experiences together; that longing was fulfilled. We longed to have an opportunity to make our lives count for eternity; that longing was fulfilled. These fulfilled longings made Roseville feel like "home." But soon God gave us new longings and new desires and it became apparent that it was time for us to find a new home - a place where new longings and new desires could be fulfilled. So we moved from Roseville.

For me, college was a huge transition from my hometown being home, to my college town being home. I longed for a solid college education, for deep and meaningful relationships, and to play the sport I loved with some good guys. One-by-one those longings were being fulfilled and my experience at college was transitioning from "being away at school" to "being home at school." College became home and home became away.

God has brought me to a place where I now have the unbelievable privilege of ministering to college students and young adults. Some of these young adults are wrestling with these conflicting emotions as they come "home" for the summer. Although they are technically sleeping, playing, and eating in the town and house that they used to call home, they are really away because they have established a new home. That is one of the most difficult experiences of any college student; it is equally difficult for parents, too.

So, what have I learned? I have learned that the transition experience of what is "home" is a huge opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson while in college. How you handle that experience will speak volumes of how you might handle any future transition concerning the dissolution or establishment of "home." If we do not handle that transition well we might fall into a predicament where we assert the strange notion that we are determined to never have a transition like that again. We make the decision to never move again, to never try a new ministry, to never try a new experience. We become comfortable and stagnant and the result is that the fulfilled longings that made us feel as though we were home will fade away and we will become disgruntle, restless, and impatient. We might bounce around doing things as we have always done hoping against hope that we might feel even a twinge of the satisfying feeling of being home.

Homes come, and homes go. Homes are built over years through the painful work of fulfilling our longings by accomplishing endeavors that God has brought into our lives for His glory and our joy. And homes can be destroyed in seconds by selfishness and pride. We must discern between legitimate longings and impostors because building a home on bad longings will result in a terrible home; and building a home on legitimate longings is what leads to lives that are well lived.

So, college students, if you feel as though the house you grew up in is a place you visit, do not feel guilty because this is an opportunity for you to learn how to deal with difficult transitions. You are making a new home by fulfilling the longings that God has placed in you. Parents, do not feel as though you are being rejected. Your son is becoming a man; your daughter is becoming a woman.

If we give up the pursuit of the feeling of home we run the risk of becoming too comfortable. We might find ourselves in a rut, unable to move in any direction, let alone the right one. Ultimately, our pursuit of the feeling of home is one that we will never fully acquire. We were made for a different world. That different world is our true home. The place where the feeling of home will never spoil, perish, or fade. In the meantime, God has graced us with glimpses of what is to come. He allows us to experience community that we might be ready for the jubilant celebration of eternal life in the presence of King Jesus. He allows us to feel the safety and comfort of being home that we might know what it will be like to be in the very presence of He who calms storms and casts out demons. God allows us to love and be loved so that we might see the scars of the Lamb of God that was slain and who takes away the sins of the world...because God SO loved...YOU!